


Music in him

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Art, Dreams, F/M, Fluff, Love, Mental Illness, Music, Philosophy, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: There is music inside of Arthur. He can hear it all the time.You wonder if you could ever be a part this world he is living in...
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/You
Kudos: 6





	Music in him

I woke up, hearing a distant noise. Silent meldodies echoing through Arthurs apartment. I`m not sure if I am still asleep, rubbing my eyes. He must be awake already. The melodie I hear is beautiful. Must be the radio. Or maybe I am starting to hear music inside of my head,too. Just like him. Him. Arthur Fleck. The love of my life. I always envyed him for this skill. Hearing music through his mind.   
I knew that this was caused by something darker, soemthing he couldnt always get under control. Sometimes the music gave him strengh, power, confidence. His whole body language depended on the music he was hearing. And for him there was music most of the time. He said he wasnt sure if he was born with it, or if it was created during his childhood trauma.He couldnt really remember when it started, but he knew it was always there.   
It was there when he was sitting here, alone in the dark all these years... music never left his side. The only time it was compleately gone, was when he was listening to real music playing. Thats when his own creations calmed down.   
It was there when he was sitting in the subway, when he was walking down the streets in Gotham. He always told me that Gotham had its own, dark, heavy sound. Like the moment right before or after a thunderstorm,rain crashing down hard on the dirty pavement, but still so tragically beautiful that it made his eyes watering. An orchester of pain and despair, yet full of grace. Just like him.  
The music that was in him WAS him. Thats because I wanted to be able to actually hear it, when he talked about it. He tried to discribe the sound to me, how it felt, how it was vibrating in his guts, starting in his head like a thought that was obsessing him and wouldnt let him go. Soemtimes painful to the touch. It grabbed him violently at times. And all he wanted was for it to stop.  
Other times the music would caress him like loving, welcoming arms. Energy flowthing allthrough his fragile body,vibrating through his hands. He could feel it in his veins. A warm shelter that disconnected him from a reality so harsh he couldnt live in it. So he often gave in to the music, starting to move his body gently, graceful as an angel. You could tell from his eyes that he drifted away in a whole other world by dancing. The music wasnt just within him, he became the music. His body an instrument of a higher force called art.I saw him dancing to the music in his mind a couple of times since we dated and he truly looked like living art while doing it. His gentle hands above his head.... his legs almost floathing above the ground.  
His tiney body seemed almost weightless. Floathing through an unknows universe of its own. I wish I could be a part of that.  
I loved him so much. Arthur was my life. But him dancing , as much as I loved it, gave me a feeling of not being able to get into his world compleately. There was this place inside of him no one could touch. And I wanted to touch it. I wanted to make love to it.   
I wanted to make love to his mind as I made to his body every night.  
I wanted to taste every note of every piece his mind has ever written.  
I wanted to become a note myself.  
How could I be ever closer to him than that? Being a creation of his own mind. I was so in love with him, it was insane. And I loved it. I loved it when his absence was hurting me physically and emotionally. When he was at work and I waited for him to come home. It always felt like there was something inside of me missing when he wasnt here with me.  
So I tried to imagin how it sounded like in his head. This helped me a lot.  
It was tragic and beautiful. Just like him.  
I wondered what kinda music he heard when we slept with each other. i just knew he did. Sometimes before his body exploded from lust, he would humm very quietly, while closing his eyes. Whatever he was hearing, it looked so intense to me. I just wanted to connect our spirits, so I could hear it,too. Making love to him was like dancing with him. Two bodies trying to find the perfect rythm.   
Arthur was just pure magic to me. Everything he did was mysterious.  
I wanted to be swallowed whole by his mysterious existence.  
Thats all I longed for.  
Suddenly the quitet melodies in the other room stopped.  
"Artie? Are you listening to the radio?" no answer.  
I tip toed to the living room and found Arthur sitting on the couch , topless but waering his pj pants, holding an ukulele in his hands.  
"Is that an....? You never told me you play ukulele?"  
Arthur smiled at me,touching his hair "I do, sweetheart. Come here. Sit down"  
I sat down beside him. A big grin upon his sweet face.  
"Y/N....since its our first anniversary I have a little surprise for you" his smile got even wider. His arms embracing the instrument.  
"Ohhhh Arthur! What?"  
"I... well...I love you so much and... Sometimes I`m just not good in putting my love into words so... I wrote a song for you"  
My heart was racing in my chest as I heard these words coming out of his mouth. I felt my eyes watering as he looked me in the eyes before he gave me the sweetest kiss upon my lips.  
"Artie....I...I don`t know what to say...this is..."  
"Shhhht" he whispered "Just listen".  
I watched Arthurs gentle fingers touching the strings...  
I never heard him sing before. I didnt even knew he could sing.   
The first tone of his soft voice was filling my heart with bliss.  
He sat there, on the couch, his eyes closed, his curls hanging upon his forehead. He was so beautiful. So was his voice. Soothing and calming. Like a warm blanket on a cold winter night.  
I was hypnotized by this.  
He was humming in between the words, singing softly:  
"There goes the pain  
Right off my shoulders  
Did you see it  
See it fall?  
Since you lighted up the darkness  
I could see it  
See it all  
You kiss my wounds  
And hold me closer  
So much closer  
To your heart  
You`re the song  
That calmed my monsters  
I wish I´d knew you   
From the start"

I felt tears rolling down my face as I watched his facial expression. There was so much love for me inside of him. Hearing him singing a song for me in his won words meant the world to me. He kept on singing and I tried to capture every twitch of his face... every detail. I wanted to capture it forever. His voice finding its way right into me. I never wanted to listen to something else again. I thought I couldnt love him more, but my love deepened with every note he sang.  
He opened his eyes as he finished.  
He seemed very shy about what he just did.  
"I....well I know I am not a very good singer ...but I really wanted you to let you know that..."  
I wouldnt let him finish his sentence. I just pressed my lips against his mouth and kissed him with all the love I had inside. I kissed him till we both couldnt breath anymore. It was a kiss of deep understanding, a deeper connection to something bigger than us.   
I felt like I finally became a part of this world he was living in.  
It was undeniably the most beautiful moment of my life. After all my thoughts about the music inside of him, I became a song myself.


End file.
